


Let me

by AnnieJ



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Angst, Denial, Hyuck and Mark are crazy, M/M, Pining, Strangers to Lovers, Unrequited Love, drunk me is back, kind of like where they meet in a supportt group and they got chosen as partners
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-05-07
Updated: 2018-06-12
Packaged: 2019-05-03 12:18:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 11,670
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14568852
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AnnieJ/pseuds/AnnieJ
Summary: Mark went to a support group where he met Donghyuck.Mark thinks he’s really pretty.au where Mark’s so in love but Donghyuck never wanted to be loved, nor healed.





	1. Let me, Please.

**Author's Note:**

> drunk me is back  
> i will only write this when im drunk so hope for the best and give me my vodka back

Today is Mark’s first day. He’s scared. When his mother told him about some kind of a support group-class, he didn’t think that it would be real. But here he is, in front of 6 people he doesn’t know but clearly doesn’t want to, standing like an idiot.

They don’t even bother to look at him. Some already talking to each other, some with their heads down, probably sleeping. Mark takes a seat on the back, furthest away from all of the people inside. He’s not here to make friends.

The class aupposed to start 15 minutes ago, and Mark’s getting really pissed off. He hates to wait. Especially for the things like this. Especially in this place.

“Hello everyone! Crazy folks!!” a guy suddenly opens the door with a slam. That startled Mark. The boy barges in, slamming the door behind him shut again and he smiles to everyone.  
“Okay, i know you’re all crazy here. I am too! have fun tho even though this wont work!” The red-haired boy says with excitement. Mark’s a bit shocked, he admits. But he doesn't know if it is because this boy is crazy, or incredibly pretty. He sticks to the former one, though.

“You! At the back! let’s be friends!” The boy says again (or screams). Mark points at himself, looking clearly horrified, yet he tries to stay calm. (it doesn't work that well)  
“Yes! you!” He answers Mark’s confused face. The boy’s walking to Mark now, undoubtedly wants to sit beside him. Mark holds his breath.

The boy’s walking closer, until his face is right next to Mark. Curious eyes looking straight at him. And there’s the fucking cunning smile.  
But damn, Mark only thinks that the’s really fucking pretty.  


Or says, because the boy’s smile is getting bigger now.  
“Oh, am i?” He asks, smiling from ear to ear, obviously impressed by Mark’s shocked face.  
fuck. Mark’s the type of guy who keeps his mouth shut but he’s really messed up in the head so this things sometimes happen. Why the fuck does it have to be today?  
Mark just curses. Outloud.

When the boy wants to say something again to Mark, the door opens and a woman walks inside, holding a laptop in her hand.  
She looks like she's in her thirties, long hair, round glasses. She looks tired. Mark already feels sorry. “Hello everyone, please take a seat!” She says happily, tiredness still coating her voice. She smiles widely, despite looking very exhausted.  
“You could tell, Mrs. Kim, everyone is clearly already seated” The boy beside him replies.  
The teacher doesn’t look impressed. She just takes a deep breath, like she alreasy went through this a thousand times.  
“Oh Donghyuck, here you are again. Of course. My bad. Well, I’m Mrs. Kim.” She says, eyes not looking at the class but her laptop instead. The boy now has a name, and of course the teacher already knows him. It’s really fucking obvious how it goes.  
Mark already hates this more than he did before he went in.

Mrs. Kim went on about the class’ rules. Some are normal, like no eating in class, but some actually took Mark’s attention.  
There was a pause when she said it.  
She took a deep breath again. (She did that a lot. Mark's starting to feel really really sorry for her)  
“You can not, in under any circumstances, meet, contact, or even text these people outside class.”  
That’s a bit odd. But Mark shrugged it away, like every person in the class did. They all knew that nothing’s normal here anyway.

-

Mark is really bored. He’s really fucking bored. There are too many rules and this teacher actually manages to tell them stories about each one that has been broken. He just wants to get this over with and go home.  
But the universe tends to play with him in the most irritating way. Someone from beside him pokes his arm. “Hey, so, about me being pretty..” The guy beside him (or Donghyuck) speaks with a big grin on his face, pushing Mark’s arms and forcing Mark to look at him.

Ah fuck, this boy's eyes are sparkling.

He really is fucking pretty.  
Mark hates it.

“..yeah? i just.. it’s a mistake so..” Mark tries so hard to get the words out but Donghyuck’s face is really close to him, making him stutter and he feels suffocated.  
“Ah.. really? ...but you’re blushing?” Donghyuck smirks. 

fuck hormones.

fuck the universe.

Mark surrenders.  
He just closes his eyes, hoping that today is just a wild dream and he’ll wake up soundly on his bed.

But fuck, Donghyuck smells amazing. Even with his eyes closed, Donghyuck's presence is still overwhelming.  
He’s wearing a really nice perfume. Is it Lemon? smells citrus-y. Kind of. Or maybe peach? Its a bit tacky, but he loves the smell. 

He could feel Donghyuck's breath on his neck.  
What's the term to describe it... It burns? yes. It definitely feels ike it.

“Kay big guy, are you scared of me? I’m not scary tho. Whats your name?”  
Mark keeps his eyes shut. He could still hear the smile on Donghyuck’s voice. He feels like he's losing to the other boy in every fucking way.  
“Mark, i’m Mark.” he replies. Voice barely audible but enough for Donghyuck to hear.

“Hi love, Mark, call me Hyuck”  
Mark’s obviously red now.  
He needs something to cool himself down. Hyuck just laughs.

-

After that, Hyuck doesn’t talk to him anymore, he just slept with his heads on the desk. Hair falling on his cheeks. Mark thinks that he’s staring.

The teacher snapped him out of his zone by calling his name.  
“Mark, you’re going to be Donghyuck’s partner okay?”  
Um. wait.  
what?

Partner?  
What kind? what partner? why him?

Mark’s certainly looks confused as hell because the teacher immediately tells him to calm down.  
“Okay, are you even listening?” She asks the obvious.  
Mark shakes his head.  
“Ofcourse, you’re too busy staring.” She says with a grin on her face.  
Oh fuck, is it really fucking obvious?  
She continued though, with a little smile that never escaped her lips. “You’re Donghyuck’s partner for this whole class. Okay? he’s been here for 2 years so i guess you could just ask him anything, and..”  
Before saying more things, Mark stops her “No, wait, i don’t want to.... be his partner” there are gaps between his words and he hates himself for stuttering.  
“..oh well, that’s not really your choice.”

The teacher says again, and she dismissed the class.

Well. Now Mark’s really fucked.

-

The first day ended up just like that. Assigning partners. Just that. But it felt so much longer for Mark. His neck hurts. It’s not even 3 pm yet.

When the bell rings, Mark takes his bag and stands up, trying to move between the chairs and not wake Hyuck up. But a hand that is suddenly pulling his shirt stops him from moving anywhere.  
Hyuck still got his head on the desk. Eyes closed. Still so freaking pretty.

“..Do you not want me to be your partner?” Hyuck asks. There’s softness on his voice. Maybe even a little bit of sadness. Mark hates it.  
Mark doesn’t know how to reply. “..i..j-just..”  
Mark almost curses out loud. Why is he stuttering?

The other boy doesn’t reply and instead he opens his eyes, staring straight at Mark. Mark goes frozen. He couldn't feel his hands.  
“I’m sorry.”  
Hyuck says again, Mark’s red.  
He’s going to snap.

“No, I’m sorry. Its not your fault. I just... I think i could not handle you because yes, you’re really fucking pretty, and you’re so different from me. I think i would be overwhelmed. Not in a bad way, but you’re loud and you have this kind of aura where you could just... light things up, i feel? I’m not like that. I.. don’t think i could handle you. I’m burning up right now, fuck.”

Donghyuck’s eyes goes wide. He’s shocked. Mark catches it. But it goes a way in a millisecond.  
The boy stood up, facing Mark, and he smiled.  
he fucking smiled.

“Well... you could not change your partners anyway. And if you feel that way, i’m sorry.” Donghyuck speaks, but there’s no sincerity in his eyes. This is more like a template for him.

“Okay, you know the rules. No meeting outside class and shits like that. But I’ll add more.”  
Mark’s confused, but he let Donghyuck finishes.  
“First of all, No ‘getting to know each other’. I will only tell you things i want you to know and you should do the same. No deep conversations. No touching. Except for hands. I’m okay with hands. No hugs. I hate that. You’ll be asked to go outside with me on every class. We should only go by my car. We should only go out for coffees. We could talk, but i would only reply if i wanted to. You could leave me like every other partner i had. And I wont speak a word out. The rules will be added as time goes by. Do you understand?”  
Mark lost his voice.  
What just happened?

Hyuck asks again, “Do you understand?”  
with his voice so stern, no feelings inside of it.  
Mark just nods.  
“I do.”

-

On the second day of class, Mrs. Kim asked the class to go outside with their partners, just like what Hyuck said to him last week.

Like their deal, Mark waited outside for the other boy to pick him up.  
Hyuck pulled up next to him. His car is red and black, small but there are stickers on the side of it. It would definitely be Hyuck’s if Mark saw it on the street, he thought.  
The other boy opened the window and told Mark to step in.

-

The car ride was not awkward at all, unlike what Mark had in mind. Donghyuck was back to his talkative self, where he just speaks and speaks about everything, the road, the coffee place they’re heading to, the food near their class. But not once about himself. That was noted by Mark. Their rules were applied. Mark still listened. Donghyuck has a wonderful voice. 

When they went inside, Hyuck ordered 2 caramel macchiatos, and Mark found it odd until the other boy gave one of it to Mark.  
“Here, this one is on me.” Hyuck said, smiling to him like they’ve been friends for years. It felt like summer on Mark’s skin.

They sat down on the corner of the cafe, the coffee on Mark’s hand tasted amazing and he hates that he was already fucking curious about the other boy. About how he lives, why he got here, why is he here for 2 years?  
He really tried to keep his mouth shut.  
But again, his mind is messed up so he fucked it up.  
he let one word out.  
“Why?”  
His voice is too small. He’s sure Hyuck wont catch it but the boy is unexpected and full of surprises. He heard him.

Hyuck smiles.  
“I know, you’re curious.”  
Mark keeps looking elsewhere, anywhere but Donghyuck’s face. He’s embarrassed. He doesn’t know why.

Donghyuck continues though,  
“But its better for you to not know, Mark. If you know too much, it gets complicated.”

Mark doesn’t replies.  
He just bit his straw like he always did when he’s nervous.  
He’s still so freaking curious.

They stayed in silence for a while,  
but Mark’s still looking at the other boy.  
The summer sun that passes through the windows brushes the other boy's skin and for a second Mark thinks that Maybe Hyuck must’ve absorbs the sun somehow because he’s glowing.  
He’s fucked and Mark’s head is clearly messing with him again because he takes Donghyuck’s hands and holds it.

Donghyuck’s startled.  
But they both knew its not against the rules.  
So the other boy just smiles.  
He teases Mark about it though,  
“What is this? Why are you red?”  
Mark bit the straw again.  
It is because of the summer air. He knows it.

-

They finished their coffee date (Donghyuck called it that and Mark just complied) in exactly 2 hours. It's an added rule. They didn’t talked much anyway, mostly about the coffees and the food around, although they were holding hands the whole time.

The barista actually gave them a compliment because of how cute they are as a couple. Mark wanted to refuse, but Donghyuck took the cake and smiled, saying thankyou in the most adorable way. Was Mark red? Summer sun. Or the air. (He told Mark that he loves free food)

The ride home was a bit different because Mark took Donghyuck’s right hand again and held it. Even then, he’s still blaming the summer air.

For a second time of the day, Donghyuck was caught off guard.  
“It... is not... against the rules.” Mark says, a reason so stupid but it is all he could think of. Donghyuck’s hands are so so soft, his fingers fit perfectly between Mark's. Mark likes it. Must’ve been summer.  
Donghyuck actually laughs at the reason.  
The redness on his cheeks looks very apparent.  
“Okay.” Donghyuck says, smiling so fondly at Mark.  
Mark’s losing? He fucking hates summer.

-

They did the coffee date again the next week. Mark always held Hyuck’s hands then. The first time Hyuck’s opened his palm for Mark to hold, he turned into stone. somehow.  
Summer. It is summer.

-

-

The first time Mark broke down in front of Hyuck was on their 3rd coffee date. On their way back, Mark started to be aware of everything.  
The song on the radio, his hands between Hyuck’s, his breathing. Hyuck. Summer ending. Him not holding hands with the other boy anymore. Summer, gone from his skin. And suddenly his hands were on his ears, he’s screaming.

Donghyuck stops the car and he looks terriefied.  
“Mark, whats wrong?” The other boy asks him, so softly and full of concern, there’s worry between each word.  
They both know Mark’s here because he’s sick like this. The question of ‘whats wrong’ is a wrong question itself.  
Donghyuck stays still, his hands never touching Mark.

Its the fucking rules, Mark.  
Mark needs him though, so he takes Hyuck’s wrist himself and holds it.  
Donghyuck doesn’t complain.  
They stay in silence, but the monster inside Mark’s head is getting louder.

The monsters inside Mark's head is now screaming Donghyuck’s name, its too loud, Mark fucking hates it. He’s crying. He couldn’t breathe. He’s fucking embarrassed. Donghyuck’s going to hear it.

When he’s calling Donghyuck’s name, He feels Donghyuck moves, his other hand is stroking Mark's hair. It’s soft and calculated. Mark goes still and the other boy kisses him on his head, saying words like 'You'll be okay' and 'I'm here for you', Mark wants to hold him. There were so many rules broken.

Mark falls asleep before he knows it.  
(He could hear Donghyuck singing in his sleep.  
Summer.)

(Sounded like a summer song.)

-

Mark wakes up in an empty car. The windows are rolled down and he could see Donghyuck’s smoking outside of the car.  
It is 3 am on his watch.  
Where is this place? An abandoned parking lot? Mark runs his fingers through his hair, and making sure of his surroundings, Mark just realized that he’s covered with Donghyuck’s jacket. It smells like him. Definitely peach.  
Its against the rules if there is one, he bets.

Donghyuck opens the door to Mark’s seat.  
“Want some?” He asks, offering Mark his cigarettes. Mark takes one out and put it between his teeth.

“Wait, where’s my lighter again..” Donghyuck asks, mostly to himself. He’s searching through his pockets and while he’s at it, Mark’s staring again. It’s a summer night. One thing he never went through with Donghyuck. Not on their rules.

But fuck,  
Hyuck’s fucking pretty. He’s just, really really fucking beautiful. It’s insane.

He's wearing a thin grey shirt and Mark could see his collarbones. His insane self almost reached out to touch it.  
He's disappointed at himself when he didn't.

He keeps on staring and so he just wonders, how will he contain himself if there’s no rules separating them like this?  
With his consent, he would act so incautiously.  
Grabbing Hyuck's arms, pulling him inside the car. locking it. Kissing him. He would do that, wouldn’t he?

It sounds insane, but he's insane himself. He would definitely do it.

Fuck. Mark just realized it’s not summer’s fault.

It never was.

Donghyuck couldn’t find his lighter even after awhile so he just light Mark’s cigarette with his own. Standing just a couple inch away from Mark’s face. He’s way too close. Mark’s not in his right mind.

“I really rather have your lips here instead of this fucking cigarette.” Mark says in a whisper, with his cigarette still between his teeth. His voice is firm. He wonders if it is the night sky that stopped him from stuttering.  
There is no reply and Mark knows that Donghyuck pretends like he didn’t hear what Mark just said, even though there’s some glint on his eyes. Mark’s curious if Hyuck’s scared, or is it anything else.  
But he stay silent.

The cigarette burns on Mark’s mouth, his lungs, and every part of his body.

Or is it Donghyuck? He doesn't want to find out.

-

Donghyuck took Mark home. Both of them pretending that it was not another rule broken. But they’ve been pretending all these time and it is getting to a point where Mark wants to just.. blow up.

He didn’t.  
His body didn’t let him.

Mark opens the car’s door, checking at Hyuck for the last time, because he thinks that this would be the last time where it’ll be this raw between them. The next Sunday would just consist of them pretending and pretending. Like they’re partners from work. No feelings. Just... some body next to another body.

Mark stares at him, and for a millisecond he could feel it. The way Donghyuck looks at him. It’s raw and honest. He’s so small now that Mark’s seeing his arms and neck and the way the loose grey shirt fits him. He swore that summer must’ve loved this boy too much. He’s radiating under a fucking full moon. Mark thinks that this is just beyond amazing. And his face, Mark’s swearing under his breath, is just so fucking radiant, the moon would be jealous.

Mark’s just obviously staring now.  
Hyuck’s red,  
Is Mark winning this time? Mark only thinks that there’s no other chance for this.  
“You’re...” he stops to try to find all the right words. Mark takes his breath again. Eyes closed.  
“Why can’t i know you better? You... You’re just so... you’re too much. For me. I cant stand you. In the most silly way. I cant stand not touching you, I swear. How do you do that? You're glowing. I swear every person in the planet would be glad if they had the chance to touch you. And I had the privilege of it and i still think i'm the most blessed person there is. But I don’t know a thing about you. I don’t even know your last name. Your nickname. Your name that they called you at home. Anything. I know we have rules but, can’t you see? I wont break you, Hyuck. I will not use you for granted. I want to know you better. I just... we’re helping each other to heal, right? why can’t we try that?... its just, i’m stupid and this doesn’t make any sense but you’re so fucking pretty i still get surprised sometimes. And i want to tell you that you’re pretty, every single day. I want to know you better. Please? this doesn’t make any sense at all but i’m so bad with words and you know it, right? Just, let me..talk to you.”  
Mark can feel the tears on his eyes. When he opens his eyes and looks up, Hyuck’s facing the other way. He silently tells Mark to step outside.

His voice is too small.  
Mark could still hear it.

Hyuck's crying.

-

Donghyuck skipped the next class.  
And the next one after that.


	2. It burns

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry i must get drunk first if i want to write :(
> 
> enjoy loves.
> 
> and i’m going to start recommending songs. listen to When You Love Someone - Day6 !!!!)

It’s been a whole month since Donghyuck left him. The term ‘left’ would’ve contradicted with their rules though. Still, Mark felt suffocated in class, it doesn’t feel like summer anymore.

On his way home, Mark broke down again. This time it felt a bit too long. He wonders if it is because he’s losing to the monster in his head, or is it because there was no Donghyuck beside him. The thought of the summer boy hurts him. The place where Donghyuck kissed him burns. Sending pain through all of his body. He’s burning alone, somehow.

His head is messing with him again.  
He called Donghyuck.  
It goes through voicemail.  
He just hoped for the best.

“...Hi, hello, hyuck? Its been a month.. where, i mean, how are you? I’m sorry i never called, but today i called my sister who’s living in Canada and she sounded like she missed me and i just wonder if you would sound the same, i know, its stupid. But, i just wonder why i never called you, you know?”

Mark took a long breath, his hands are trembling  
“I just.. i know we have rules and somehow i broke so many of it, if i promise you... that i won’t break it again, will you come back? I just, miss you. So much. We’ll start again like its our first time meeting, okay? I wont break in front of you. I promise, i fucking promise. Just come back, okay? It doesn’t feel like summer without you around.”

Mark’s crying. He hates himself for being so weak. He could hear the monsters in his head mocking him for being such a coward.  
He agrees with them this time.

-

The next week Mark came early to class, expecting to see the head of Donghyuck on the table, sleeping, like he always did.  
There was no sign of the boy.  
The clock’s ticking again in his head.

When the teacher came, Mark’s head was somewhere else. There was a blessing that comes with this sickness, he thought. He could escape reality anytime he wants. (He’s still deciding if it is a good thing or not.)

It is the first day of the month, the teacher’s going to ask the class to leave with their partner. Mark could feel Donghyuck’s breath beside him. The boy is not there.

Mrs. Kim arranged Mark with a guy named Jin or something and his partner, another guy with a name Mark sure he remembered, but failed to do so.  
He smiled to both of them.  
They smiled back and they talked, and it felt normal, nice, even. Like they’re normal classmates with assignments thrown at them, but they all know that its not true. Mark knows that Jin’s a suicidal person, a guy who tried to kill himself 7 times with different ways and failed each time. Mark could see the bruises on Jin's skin. Maybe from the cutting or the one time he tried to jump from a building. It colored him so beautifully. And the other guy (Mark learned that his name is Chan when Jin called him), he’s a guy that lost all of his family members in a plane crash on the way to his dorm and still think that they’re alive. He talked about his sister a lot. Its a pity. If they met outside of their condition, they would’ve been pretty nice friends.

Jin and Chan usually went outside to play basketball. Mark loved the idea. He used to play too before these monsters inside his head took over him and took his hobbies away.

They went to a park nearby and changed. Jin brought an extra shorts that he gave to Mark and they play for a while before passing out on the ground.  
“Turns out you’re all very fucking competitive, huh?” Chan said, while trowing the ball to Mark. They all laughed at that fact.

They stayed in silence for a while. Mark’s skin is sticking to the concrete under him because of his sweat and it felt gross, but he felt a little bit more alive than he has been in weeks. He could hear his breath again. The clock is ticking a little bit slower.

Jin took Mark and Chan back to their building. Mark politely said thankyou and Jin just shrugged it off, saying something with the word ‘friends’ in it. Mark blushed a little.

Mark packed his bags that he left in the class and he went outside. He told his sister to go home earlier because he will be late. The game lasted longer than he thought.

He goes out to catch a cab but a familiar red car stopped in front of him.  
Making his breath hitches. Is it summer? Donghyuck rolled the window down to greet him. Mark slapped himself.  
“Hey kiddo, get in”  
The way he said it is too casual, like he never left him. Like Mark didn’t just throw a confession on his phone. Like, usual. Them both hiding something.  
Mark went in, with all the strength he had left in him. He really doesn’t have much of it when it comes to Donghyuck.

Mark puts on his seatbelt first like he always did when he went in. Never looking at Donghyuck right on the eyes.  
“Lets go home.” Donghyuck said, a smile is painted through his words.  
‘home’ Mark thought. He wanted to tell Hyuck that this is home, though. Right beside the summer boy. 

Donghyuck started first,  
“umm, Hyung,”  
Mark’s melting. Donghyuck never called him that. He knows the boy is younger, but he never cared that much about it.  
“..Sorry about that. I just.. left like that. It’s childish, i know. I’m just, afraid. Of everything. I never had any real friends because people got tired easly of me and they’re hard to catch up because of my condition. Nothing ever lasted long with me. My previous partners usually got sick of me because i’m loud, and i talk all the time but never saying much anyway. But with you Hyung, everything is easier, you never asked for more. I always speak too much about nothing, really, but you listen anyway. You’re good at that, Hyung. Listening to other people. I like it. And it just felt weird for me, you know?”  
Mark’s finally staring at the younger boy again. Donghyuck’s skin is glowing, his lips are still soft because of the chapstick he always uses, he still smells like peach, and his hair is a bit darker. Dark red, maybe? He’s still really fucking pretty though.  
Donghyuck continued  
“..And when you called today, i felt so bad. I miss you too, Hyung. I’m coming back next week, I promise. I’ll scratch the rules too. Its stupid. I want us to be friends.” He said with a smile,  
Mark just wants to fucking kiss him.  
So, fucking, bad.

His mind is not messed up tonight.  
So he stayed still.  
Cursed himself because of it.

Mark replied with a smile. Hands reaching up to hold Donghyuck’s. The younger boy still flinched, but he tried to hide the obvious.  
“Okay, lets be friends little hyuckie”  
There’s this mocking tone on his voice, and Donghyuck could hear it too. He laughed.  
It sounded like summer again. Summer song. “Dont fucking call me that, Hyung!”

-

Mark brushed his teeth like usual before going to bed.  
He’s staring at the mirror in front of him.  
His face is still red, he wonders if Donghyuck catched it. He probably did.

His hands that touched Donghyuck burns. He likes it this time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m happy that some of u liked it lol  
> its ugly.  
> But most of it is true.
> 
> I was at Mark’s place.
> 
>  
> 
> So i hope you’ll enjoy this not-so-fictional fic.


	3. Punchline

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m drunk again. So i’m back.  
> Enjoy, loves.

Mark is drunk  
He’s drunk and he thinks that he could see stars on the ceiling of Jaehyung’s house. He’s at this party that Jaehyung threw for all of his friends because he’s an idiot that thinks that this is the meaning of having real friends. Mark’s just one of the idiot’s friends.  
The world is turning around him, making him dizzy. He curses himself for having low tolerance on alcohol.

“Hey kiddo, what’s wrong?” the guy beside him asks. It’s Taeyong. Mark could recognize him from the terrible perfume he’s always wearing. Mark just shrugs. Telling the other guy that he’s alright. He’s trying so hard to look like he is, even though everyone could tell that he’s fucking wasted.

Mark takes the last of his strength to walk upstairs. He’s lucky enough to find an empty bathroom so he locks it from the inside and he sits on bathtub. His head feels like shit. He wants to go home.

His phone is ringing. Mark answers without looking at the caller’s name.  
“..Hey, Mark?”  
it is Donghyuck’s voice. Ofcourse it is. The universe tends to joke with him in many ways so ofcourse it would be Donghyuck who calls him at 11 pm when he’s sitting on a bathtub wasted. Funny, he thinks. He’s really the punchline of every joke.

Mark tries to sound like he’s not drunk.  
“...Ah, hi? whats up?” the casualty is hidden somewhere between the words and he hopes that Donghyuck could find it and play along.  
“...are you busy now? i’m just calling to tell you that i’m going to be back and..” Donghyuck just keeps on talking and talking and Mark feels like throwing up.  
He’s the punchline after all.

So he just tells Donghyuck the truth before it gets bad.  
“..Sorry, Hyuck, i’m drunk and i feel like throwing up and i really can’t hear your voice even if i wanted to because its all blurry.. sorry.” Mark feels like an idiot. He curses the universe for this terrible joke they’re pulling at him.

“Where are you?” is all that he gets from Donghyuck. Mark doesn’t remember if he tells Donghyuck anything but he’s sleepy, he’s just, really, fucking sleepy...

-

There’s a loud bang from the door that wakes Mark up. His head is a mess and he feels like shit when he open his eyes, and the bathroom’s light is literally hurting his eyes. He curses himself.

He hears the loud bang again and he’s starting to get really pissed off so he gets up to open the door, making sure the one who did it gets a punch on the face for waking him up.

But again, he’s always the punchline.  
It’s Donghyuck, in his red and yellow Jacket, standing in front of him so beautifully, but with a furrowed eyebrows stamped on his face. He’s obviously pissed.

“Why are you here?” Mark just asks without thinking, knowing that he’s the only possible reason that could put Donghyuck in this situation.  
“You told me to pick you up, idiot. Get your shit and get in the car.” Donghyuck answers like it is the most obvious thing in the whole world.  
Mark’s still drunk and when he’s drunk, he tends to talk without scanning the words first so he just blurts out “You’re not supposed to do this.”

He curses himself inside.  
What a fucking moron.

Donghyuck rolls his eyes. This boy is not like the Donghyuck he saw last night. This boy in front of him is now more... playful? He doesn’t show his weak side anymore, he’s like the Donghyuck he saw on the first day of class. Mark cannot decide if he likes one better than the other.

“You fucking told me to pick you up, Hyung. Saying that you will be sick if i don’t. You said that you missed me and you’ll throw up if i don’t pick you up immediately.” There’s annoyance on his voice but maybe worry too. Mark just apologizes.

Donghyuck takes Mark’s hand when they’re both downstairs to hurry him up and Mark could hear the whistling coming from all of his friends. Donghyuck is smiling to a lot of them. Mark’s red again and this time the alcohol has nothing to do with the colour.

Donghyuck reached his car and he opens the back door, signaling Mark to get inside. Mark obeys him silently because he’s scared that he will say another thing that will annoy the younger boy. Donghyuck closes the door with a slam. When Mark stares at his hand, it’s still red.

When Donghyuck went inside he checks on Mark again before driving off. Mark’s still staring at his hands. He wonders if this affects the other boy too. If it’s just himself that’s burning. Donghyuck finally asks when they’re already 10 minutes on the road.  
“What’s wrong with your hand?”  
Mark wants to lie and say that they’re dry because of the summer air but he cannot blame summer anymore so he finds himself in the same situation again when it comes to Donghyuck.  
“Its burning. Yours doesn’t?”  
Donghyuck goes silent for the rest of the ride.  
Mark’s a little bit thankful that he didn’t answer. 

Donghyuck took Mark home and Mark just realized that his mom would kill him if she found him in this situation. Suddenly he’s not so wasted anymore.  
“Shit, Hyuck, sorry. But i cannot go home. My mom would kill me. Can you just... drive me back to Jaehyung’s? I’m sobering up so it’s alright and i’m so so sorry that i put you in this situation, God, i’m such an idiot.”  
Mark’s basically panicking. He could feel Donghyuck rolling his eyes again.

“You idiot! i drove you here for 40 minutes, i ain’t driving you back there again!” Donghyuck snaps. Mark bites his lips nervously.

“Okay... I’m sorry. I’ll just call an uber or something. Just leave me here”  
Mark’s an idiot, really. He should be praised for how stupid he could be sometimes.

Donghyuck just curses under his breath  
“Nah, i’m not letting you stay here alone on the middle of nowhere at 2 am like this. Just.. sleep at my apartment. I live alone anyway. Is that okay?”

Mark wants to sound casual and thankful because its just a friend giving another friend a place to stay for the night, right?  
But Mark blushes. His face is definitely red.

Donghyuck didn’t get an answer so he asks again. “Is it okay or not, Hyung?”

Again, Mark loses to Donghyuck, Again.

-

Donghyuck’s a rich kid.  
Ofcourse he is. He drives a fucking minicooper and he’s always wearing that bvlgari bracelet that cost like 6 thousand bucks. (Mark searched for the price) But Mark doesn’t know that the younger boy is this wealthy, really.  
His place is fucking huge. There’s 3 rooms that’s all bigger than Mark’s parent’s room at his house and the living room is filled with a chandelier and all the fancy furnitures that must’ve cost thousands.

Mark leaves his jaw hanging and Donghyuck laughs. “Is it that surprising, Hyung? I thought that it looked okay.” Donghyuck says, clearly enjoying Mark’s shocked face.  
“Are you fucking kidding me? this place is huge!” Mark couldn’t hide his amazed face and Donghyuck laughs again.  
“Meh, Its alright.” Donghyuck shrugs. Opening his refrigerator to take a water bottle.

“You could sleep on that room on the corner. My room is beside it. You should get changed too. There’s t shirts and shorts in the drawer that i left for visitors. I’m going to get myself changed first, okay?” Donghyuck smiles at Mark. Mark nods before he forces himself to avoid the domestic feeling that he gets when he stares at Donghyuck. He seems so peaceful at his own house. It must’ve been his safe place. Mark thinks that he likes this Donghyuck the best.

Mark changed to a simple white t shirt and some grey shorts before he lays on the bed. It smells like Hyuck, somehow. Actually, the whole place smells like him and Mark loves it. It smells like a mix of mint and lemon. He wonders if Hyuck just naturally smells like that.

Donghyuck knocks on the door, stopping Mark from his day dreaming about the boy himself. “Hyung, are you asleep?” His voice is soft. Mark could pass out if he doesn’t held himself back.  
“Nah, wait a sec.” Mark gets up, fixing his hair that looks like a mess just a second ago.  
He opens the door to find Donghyuck standing with a black t shirt and black sweatpants. Mark swears the colour never fits anyone better. Donghyuck’s hair is wet and it is falling on his forehead. He smells like lemon. Mark’s thoughts a minute ago must’ve been true. 

Mark’s obviously staring again.  
Donghyuck’s blushing. Mark misses it.

Donghyuck puts his head down. Trying to hide his heated face from Mark. Mark’s still staring.  
“Um, Hyung. I made some soup for your hangover. Its on the kitchen counter.” Donghyuck puts his head up again, still not staring at Mark’s syes and Mark could smell the soup from here and fuck, Mark curses, almost out loud, how is Donghyuck real?  
Mark wants to fucking kiss him.  
He’s not even drunk enough to admit it.

But instead, Mark replies with a soft smile. “Thankyou Hyuck.”

-

The soup is amazing. That is one thing to add to “Why Donghyuck is not real and why I am always losing to this boy” list. 

Mark eats it like he never ate any soup before. Donghyuck’s laughing at him. Clearly impressed of how Mark eats his meal like it is his last and Mark just realized that he’s been eating like a dog. He puts the bowl down and with a mouthful he says “um.. the shoup ish amashing.”  
Mark sounds stupid. He’s fucking embarrassed.  
Donghyuck laughs louder.  
“I know, Hyung.”

When Mark finishes, he tells Donghyuck that he will do the dishes but Donghyuck refuses, saying that his maid will come in the morning to clean the house anyway. (Ofcourse Donghyuck has a maid to clean his house, stupid, Mark thought.)

Donghyuck turns the tv on and says that he’s going to watch a view tv shows before sleeping, and that Mark should sleep first.

But sober Mark thinks that he still wants to see Donghyuck, so he stays to sit beside him. Their knees touching. It’s burning Mark’s skin again.

Donghyuck slept first on the 20th minute into the show. His head resting on Mark’s shoulder.  
Mark is staring again. Donghyuck’s skin is soft. His sleeping face is pretty. His long eyelashes are kissing his cheeks and how jealous would anyone be if they saw it. And his lips, it is plump and pink and soft and Mark just has to keep himself from touching it. His body burns. He counts Donghyuck’s moles that are varnishing his skin beautifully. He stops himself from kissing it one by one. He’s getting crazy because of this younger boy. He feels like a crazy stalker that stares at another person when they sleep. Mark just feels... restless. He really needs to sleep.

But Donghyuck’s mumbling something in his sleep. And it gives Mark goosebumps before he said it again. “Jaemin-a” Donghyuck mumbles. He calls the name again. and again. and again. Until Mark could stamp each letter on his brain. Remembering it until Mark could almost hear his heart stopping. 

“Jaemin-a, i miss you.”  
Mark is sure that his heart stops beating.  
His lungs needs some air.  
But Mark thinks that what he really need is to leave.  
Before he does something stupid again and regrets it.

Mark slowly puts Donghyuck’s head down on the sofa, covering him up with some blankets, before he takes all of his clothes and leave.

On his way back down to the first floor, waiting for the uber to pick him up, he wonders. How can you break someone only with 4 words?  
Truly, Lee Donghyuck is really amazing.

Mark got home at 5am.  
Told his mom that he got wasted last night.  
Mark could hear his mom screaming, but at least it is a better sound than the name that Donghyuck kept on calling in his sleep.

Mark cursed the universe again before falling asleep.  
He’s always the fucking punchline.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> please leave some comments and kudos if you enjoyed it! thankyou! i’ll get wasted soon again for u guys! xx


	4. blueberry and lemon

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry, finals came and i can’t drink lately.  
> This is the fluff that you guys wanted so enjoy!

Mark skips the next class. There’s this sinking feeling that he gets when he thinks about Donghyuck and he feels sick. He’s starting to believe that the monsters are real. His mom locks him in his room.

Mark’s doctor visits him again. He told her everything. He doesn’t remember if he called Donghyuck’s name, but he remembers that it hurts to talk about anything. He remembers that he kept on crying and his doctor kept telling him to breathe. He remembers that he couldn’t.

He stays sick for a while.  
He doesn’t know if the season already changed, but he’s damn sure it doesn’t feel like summer anymore.

-

Jeno comes to visit him on the next day. He’s the only friend Mark has left (that cares about him, anyway).

Mark opens the door to see the worries printed across Jeno’s face. Mark smiles at him.  
“Hey asshole”

Jeno chuckles, the worries finally fading away.  
“Damn dude, you look like shit.”

They laugh about it. Mark telling Jeno to step inside. When he sees the sky outside of his house from the front door, he realizes that the season probably hasn’t changed.

“Hey, tell me what’s wrong.”  
Jeno says when he sits on Mark’s bed. He tries to sound casual even though the both of them know that it’s pretty bad this time. Mark never stays indoor for more than a week.  
Jeno does this all the time. Asking Mark immediately about his stories, listening quietly, and never comments about anything unless Mark asks about it. Mark kinda likes him for that.

Jeno’s gay, Mark knows that, so he also knows that he’s probably more accepting than anyone if he told him about the story. Its not like he got a love story, anyway. Its just a story about a boy. A pretty one.

Still, Mark’s hands are fidgeting.

Jeno never asks the question again, so Mark tries to answer to fill in the silence.  
It’s not a love story, Mark reminds himself.  
“..Its not that this is a love story or something, it’s just about this particular person.” Mark starts. After the first word is out, it gets easier for him to talk.  
“He’s like... super beautiful. Insanely pretty. I don’t know if i could find anyone prettier than him after i saw him.”

Jeno doesn’t change the look on his eyes when Mark reveals that it’s a boy that he indeed is talking about. Mark kinda likes him for that too.

Mark continues, “We got partnered up and it’s great like, he talked about everything and i love listening to him but he never told me anything about him. And our relationship stayed that way and i still cherished it but one night i broke down and he kissed my head to calm me down and i think i always want to kiss him after that but he got scared of me and he ran away for a while. But then he came back. And it feels like summer again..” Mark takes a deep breath to remind himself that it’s not a fucking love story to tell. “One night, I drunk called him to come pick me up. He did. And he took me to his house because i couldn’t go home wasted, but then.. when he slept beside me, he called another name that still haunts me. He said that he misses them. I went home running. I think i died a few times on the way back home.”

Mark thinks he’s going to cry again.  
Mark looks up to Jeno, signaling him to comment about it.  
Jeno sighs, the worries are now coming back.  
“Okay, but that person that he called, it could be anyone, Mark. It could be his siblings or best friends.”  
Mark shakes his head, “No. I know that he only has a little sister that’s still very young when i went to his house and he didn’t have any friends that he liked. I could feel it when he said their name. It’s so painful when he said it. I think he’s crying in his dreams, calling them back to him, I could tell that it’s someone that he loved.”

Jeno gives up. He lays down on Mark’s bed, looking at the ceiling above him.  
“Hyung. Don’t freak out, okay.”  
Mark knows that he will. Jeno probably does too.  
“I think you lied about this not being a love story.”

Mark doesn’t reply. He pretends that he doesn’t hear it.

Jeno knows, he knows better. So he distracts Mark by telling him that he’s going to beat him on another game of Mario Kart.  
Mark definitely likes him for that.

-

Jeno leaves after the sun sets, hugging Mark on the front porch, he smiles, “Hyung, I love you. Don’t do anything stupid, okay?”  
Jeno always says that before he leaves, but this time he’s more serious, more afraid.

Mark nods, “I love you too. I won’t”  
There’s no truth on his words and the both of them could definitely tell, but Jeno understands because he knows Mark better than himself anyway.  
(Jeno didn’t say anything about it, he left after holding Mark’s hand)

Mark is still standing on his front porch. The summer air that’s blowing on his body is weighing him down and he wants to cry again.  
But Mark just laughs,  
How funny. 4 words. A 17 year old boy. One night. Yet his monsters could kill him if he lets them.

He breaks down after. His mom coming home from work, pulling him inside.

-

“Mark, there’s someone at the door looking for you.” His mom calls him from outside of his room. Mark’s head is dizzy from all the crying he did today. Mark doesn’t even know why he cried. Is it still Donghyuck? or is it because of Jeno and his words? or is it himself?

Mark goes downstairs to open the door.

It’s definitely still summer when he looks outside again.

“..Hyung, you look like shit.”

It’s Donghyuck. The reason is still definitely Donghyuck. And he’s standing in front of Mark’s house. And Mark wants to die, really. He wants to curse his mom for not knowing that the boy in front of him is the reason for all of this mess and he wants to curse himself for melting from seeing him again. He’s really pretty. Mark really really likes him in black.

Mark stares at him with disbelief, “What are you doing here?” And he curses himself again for always asking the stupid questions.  
Donghyuck pulls something out from his bag. A cake, and then a book, ans then an album of some band. His hands are now full.

“Ah, I heard that you got sick, so i brought you this..” Donghyuck says while he puts his hands in front of Mark. “It’s a lemon cake that i always ate when i’m sick, and my favorite book? and also my favorite album from a local band.”

Mark thinks that in any other universe, he wouldn’t be this lucky. He’s blushing. He wants to hug the younger boy and just kiss him here, under the summer sky.  
He pulls himself back.

“Thankyou,” Mark says while he takes Donghyuck’s presents. “Want to come inside?”  
Donghyuck nods. 

Mark’s mom is really excited to find that Mark has another friend and she promise Donghyuck that she’ll make blueberry pies for them and Donghyuck smiles with his voice soft saying thank you and that he would love to try the pies.  
Mark’s mom is already in love with Donghyuck. Mark doesn’t question why.

They both got into Mark’s room. It’s not messy because his mom cleaned it in the morning but Mark still feels anxious. Donghyuck could see everything.

Donghyuck lays down on his bed and Mark wants to die.

“This room smells like you, Hyung.” He says while he got his eyes closed.  
Mark doesn’t try to fight the tingling feeling anymore so he blushes right away.

“Sorry that i couldn’t come, it’s just that i got bad again and my mom won’t let me go outside.” Mark says after he got his voice back. Donghyuck opens his eyes, staring at the ceiling like Jeno did yesterday. They both does the same thing when they’re thinking, Mark could tell.  
“Its okay.” Donghyuck says, “And i’m sorry”  
his voice is too quiet, Mark wouldn’t catch it if all of his attention is not at the younger boy.

Mark could feel the monster crawling in. He shuts the door. Locking it. Hoping that the monsters won’t crawl from the window outside because it’s broken and Mark couldn’t close it even if he wanted to.

“Why?” Mark asks him,  
Donghyuck gets up and stares at him.  
“You left that night and then you got sick. I’m not an idiot, Hyung. I know it’s probably because of me.”  
There’s sorry on his eyes and Mark wants to kiss it away even though Donghyuck is exactly right, and that Mark should probably curse him instead for making him like this.  
But Mark just wants to kiss him. Nothing more, nothing less.  
“It’s okay.” Mark settles with that. He smiles at the younger boy because now, he’s really okay. He still could paint the name that Donghyuck called in his sleep but he thinks that now, it’s fine. Donghyuck is on his bed and he’s blushing and he’s really really pretty. It’s fine like this. It really is.

The monsters finds the window is still open.  
And Mark finds Donghyuck’s lips.

Donghyuck catches it, Mark guesses. Because he’s blushing again, and he gets up to look around the room.  
“Who’s this?”  
Donghyuck points at the pictures of him and Jeno. They’ve known each other since kindergarten, so there are a lot of pictures of them together.  
“Ah, it’s Jeno. My best friend i guess”  
Donghyuck smiles at the pictures.  
“You both look cute.”

Mark’s closing the window. It’s suddenly fixed. The monsters can go fuck themselves.

-

“Mark! Pies!” His older brother calls him from downstairs.  
Donghyuck pulls Mark hand excitedly, “Let’s goo!”  
Mark just laughs,

Mark’s mom made 2 pies, chicken and blueberries and Mark knows that his mother is a great cook so he’s also looking forward to it.  
His family welcomes Donghyuck and they pretty much love him immediately. They all laugh at his jokes and he compliments every single thing about the pies, he listens to Mark’s father complains about the costumers that he got today and agrees with him and he also listens to Johnny’s stories about his band and all and promises that he would love to listen to their music. He fits right in.

By the end of dinner, Donghyuck’s already calling his mother and father Mom and Dad, and his older brother Johnny Hyung. Mark rolls his eyes at that but he’s still smiling.

“Hyuck, you said that you love to cook, right?” Mark’s mom asks him while Donghyuck helps her cleans the table.  
“Yes, i do! I think i’m still pretty bad at it, though.” Donghyuck replies at her with a pout.  
“Then come here every weekend after class! i’d love to teach you things!” His mom says excitedly. Mark knows that him and his brother never want to try cooking so his mom is probably very eager to cook with Donghyuck.  
Donghyuck smiles widely, “Of course! I’d love to, Mom.”

Mark smiles at them both.  
Home. It’s better like this, with you around.

-

Donghyuck says goodbye to all of Mark’s family, after they all force him to just sleep over at their house and leave in the morning.

Mark hugs him goodbye. Feeling the season stays on his skin after it.  
Donghyuck smiles fondly at him and he’s really really holding himself back from kissing the younger boy’s cheek.

When Mark closes the door, his family is all looking at him, smiling like they know something. Probably his secret, because it’s obvious in every reason there is.  
Johnny tries to hide his wide smile.  
“So that’s him. Yeah, i’d probably cry too if i couldn’t have him. He’s amazing.”

Mark shrugs them off. He goes upstairs to shower.

Mark smells like blueberry, that he knows. But when he sleeps, it’s blueberry and lemon.

He’s kinda pissed that Donghyuck could leave his trace behind in every things that he touched.

That night, Mark sleeps peacefully,  
Dreaming about a boy that could rival the sun,  
Curses at the universe for waking him up to an empty bed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please wish me luck on my exam xx


	5. 2 AM monsters

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry that its a late update:( i’m finishing my exams and when it’s finals i cant drink and you all know that i only write when i’m not sober. So thankyou for bearing with me. Here’s a new chapter. I hope you’ll like it!

It’s 2 AM when Mark opened his eyes. He swears that he was dreaming about a boy with the most perfect tan skin that could beat the sun if they let him. He curses out loud.

There’s no sign of the boy though, it’s just his empty bed. It has always been that. He wonders why the monsters never came back lately. Mark doesn’t _miss_ them, he just feels odd, it’s like he’s getting better in some part yet worse in another. There’s no one to blame but himself.

Jeno visits him often now, every 2 days to be exact. Mark knows that his bestfriend is worried, he could tell by the look of his eyes, but by the end of the month, Mark told Jeno that he’s okay, that he feels like he could face the monsters alone now, that he’s really getting better. And maybe there’s more truth on his words than he expected it to be because Jeno hugged him like Mark has done a wonderful job. He kinda feel like he did too.

He’s kinda proud of himself.

-

The thing about this therapy class, is that the classes are unexpected. It’s usually normal where they just talk about stuff to get better but today he found himself lying next to Donghyuck on his own bed. _Progress_ , that’s what the teacher calls it. But Donghyuck smells exactly like fresh peach and Mark has been craving it for too long, it’s getting insane.

“Hyung, what are we doing again?” Hyuck asks with his eyes closed. His eyelashes are still pretty like Mark remembered it, and Mark swears that he’s not staring. He definitely isn’t.

“I don’t know hyuck” Mark answers him, but it’s barely a whisper. He doesn’t know why he’s talking so quietly, and he’s not sure if the other boy could hear him, but maybe it is because he’s still looking at the other boy and the way he breathes so peacefully and he really doesn’t want Hyuck to open his eyes and make Mark’s stomach drop again from the way he looks at him. He’s not ready for it.

Maybe Hyuck could hear it and in the end, he still opens his eyes, but instead of looking at Mark’s face or his direction, he’s staring at the ceiling. Mark doesn’t believe himself that he’s still not staring.

The room is too quiet and Mark’s heartbeat is too loud.

“Whatever, i like it here. It smells like you.”  
Donghyuck smiles a little, cheeks pink, maybe blushing? Mark doesn’t want to bet, he just knows that he’s the one that’s red again and he’s really thankful that Hyuck is still staring at the ceiling. He looks up too, trying to find words to speak and yet he couldn’t.

What Mark really wants to say is that it’s not entirely true, that his room is starting to smell more like Donghyuck now instead of himself because he chose a peach-scented perfume for his room and a peach-scented soap for his clothes when he went out to buy groceries the other day. Remembering the other boy. 

Maybe that’s why the monster doesn’t crawl onto his bed anymore.

When he snaps out of his thoughts, it’s already dark outside and it’s raining. Mark gets up from his bed to close the window. It’s still stuck. There’s an inch of gap left. He just hopes that the rain won’t get inside.

The heavy rain is surrounding them both, singing its own song, burying the sound of Mark’s heartbeat.

Mark hop onto the bed again and fell asleep before he knows it.

-

It’s 2 AM when Mark opened his eyes. The rain is still pouring, hitting the outside of Mark’s broken window and some started to fall to his carpet. It’s cold and Mark remembers dreaming, of something... a monster. A new monster that’s trying to get inside of his room.

But its weird because instead of just barging in, the monster knocked. Instead of waking Mark up, he tiptoed around. Making sure he is still safe and sound. Opened Mark’s blanket and slept on his bed.

Mark finds another body next to him.

There’s no way to hide the sound of his heartbeat anymore. Mark’s scared that he’ll wake the other boy from how loud it sounds. He clenched his shirt in hope that it will conceal the sound from coming out.

Donghyuck sleeps soundly. He’s still on his shirt and jeans, but now he’s inside Mark’s blanket. His hand is laid next to Mark’s face, so close to his skin, like he’s just been touching it. Mark wonders if he really did.

Mark is still tugging on his shirt.

The rain is slowing down and now his heartbeat is louder, louder, he’s afraid that he’ll wake up the whole neighborhood.

Maybe Donghyuck could sense the way Mark’s breath is getting heavier, louder, because Hyuck is now slightly moving his body and now one of his hand is on top of Mark’s hip. Mark flinches. It’s too much for his own good.

The teacher should be blamed for this whole situation, really, Mark thinks. Because today’s task is ‘ _knowing your partner’s safe place_ ’ but Mark thinks that after tonight, he wouldn’t have any. Now it’ll be too much for him to just sleep on his bed because it’ll remind him so much of the summer boy. He doesn’t think that he could sleep on it anymore. He needs to find another safe place.

The rain stopped after Mark finds his way to stare at the younger boy’s lips. He could feel his body messing up with him again.

Mark reaches out to touch it with his finger, slowly, carefully. It’s soft just like how he imagined it to be. It’s too much. Too much for Mark to handle, yet he still found himself tracing it, from one end to another. Mark’s finger burns like he just touched a hot pot. Donghyuck wakes up with Mark’s finger pressed to his lips.

Mark stayed still. frozen, eyes wide. He’s caught like a deer in headlights yet he doesn’t move. His finger stayed still.

Donghyuck must’ve felt shocked too because he looks startled, and Mark, for the hundredth time, curses himself for being so fucking _stupid_.

After a long second Mark pulls his hand away. Muttering a low _sorry_ as he tries to move away from the younger boy. But his bed is not too big for himself, yet alone the both of them, and now he’s really stuck. He doesn’t have an option but to face Donghyuck.

“Are you okay, Mark?” Donghyuck asks him and his voice is full of worries. Mark wants to jump from his window. Even after what he did, Donghyuck is still worried about him. Like he did not just cross a line they promised not too. Like he just not touched the other boy’s lips in his sleep and not regret it. Donghyuck is really too much for him.

Mark tugs his shirt again. Now he’s sure he has woken up the whole neighborhood.  
He wants to say sorry to Mrs.Ann for disturbing her sleep.

Even after a while, Mark still doesn’t answer, and now he found himself wanting to _cry_. It’s really too much for him. He feels like it’s too much and he doesn’t deserve this, he doesn’t deserve Donghyuck.

The monster, is it hugging him?

No, that’s Donghyuck. His hand is now on Mark’s hair, patting it like he’s trying to calm the older boy. It’s soft. And there’s too much feelings that himself could not name. Mark’s always too obvious in front of Hyuck anyway, its ridiculous.

“It’s okay. The rain is heavy and scary. It’s okay. I get scared sometimes too. You can calm down.” Donghyuck says as he moves closer to Mark. Mark really really wants to cry now.

They’re too close. Too close that Mark could feel Donghyuck’s breath tickling his own skin. Too close that it smells too much like Donghyuck and not himself. Too much that he could see Donghyuck’s tan skin underneath his light shirt. It’s too much. Mark wants more of it.

When Donghyuck starts singing to calm Mark, the beautiful sound coming from his lips, Mark almost lost it. Now he wants nothing but to just pull the other boy closer to his chest and never let go of him. If it’s going to be like this, he won’t let Donghyuck leave his bed, ever again.

He doesn’t know where to sleep after tonight, and now he doesn’t know _how_ to sleep after this.

Now Mark thinks that he could only sleep next to Donghyuck, while he’s singing him to sleep.  
Donghyuck really needs to stay.

-

He doesn’t.

-

In the morning when the sun is barging in from the outside of his window, uninvited, the guest that he tries so hard to keep is gone.  
Leaving traces of peach-scented perfume that Mark’s unsure is his or Donghyuck’s anymore.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i dunno what genre this chapter is anymore.
> 
> Again, sorry because this chapter is so short but thankyou for reading it anyway until the end. I’ll update often from now on i hope. xxx


	6. Secrets

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here you go! more updates! it’s messy these days so i hope it doesn’t effect my writing. if it does, then i’m really sorry! enjoy lovesxxx

Waking up to find Donghyuck has left actually made Mark pretty bummed for the rest of the week. He didn’t even left a note for Mark, even though he knows that it’s probably weird because there was nothing between them anyway, and they also did nothing but sleep.

Mark is probably too fucked up if he’s like this.

Today he’s going back to class, and walking in summer to the therapy class usually means sticky skin and too much sunscreen. Mark kinda hates it.

Summer after a while should also mean that Mark skin is getting used to the heat. But today at class, when the teacher is explaining things about _moving on_ , between the sound of the clock ticking, Donghyuck’s hand is touching his and Mark’s really not sure anymore. His skin still burns. Mark kinda hates this too.

(Or maybe he doesn’t. He still hasn’t decide if the sensation is something that he’d like to keep feeling. It’s too much yet sometimes he wanted more. More and many more.)

The class finishes after 5.30, a little later than it used to be. He still needs to visits Donghyuck’s safe place after this and Mark’s not ready to find out about it. He’s too afraid. What if Donghyuck’s safe place is a place where Mark wouldn’t even think of stepping his foot into? What if it’s too much for him to handle? Why is it always too much when it comes to Hyuck?

-

The familiar red car pulls up next to him, and when he opens it he finds that the car smells more like mint than peach, like someone has been invading it other than Hyuck himself. Mark almost lost his self control and ask Donghyuck _why_ or even _who_ , but he realizes that it would be too inappropriate. He stops himself before he said anything.

Donghyuck drives a little slowly this time with the radio blasting old school music. It’s calming, the road is long in front of them. Until now, after 20 minutes of driving, Mark still hasn’t asked where or why, he just knows that if it’s with the younger boy, he’ll take any place there is.

The wind is blowing from the back window that Donghyuck opened, and in no time, Mark finds himself drowning back to sleep.

-

“Wake up, sunshine.”

Mark opens his eyes to find that there’s no sun anymore but Donghyuck’s face is really close to him so maybe there is one next to him right now. (Mark wants to slap himself for thinking cheesy things about hyuck even after he just woke up.)

The sky is dark and there’s no sound surrounding them.

“Where are we?” Mark asks, his voice still hoarse from the sleep.

“My safe place, remember? this is it.” Donghyuck answers him with a smile.

When Mark looks around, he finds that they’re in front of a lake and there’s nothing but tall trees surrounding them. The back window is still open. Mark shivers from the cold wind. It’s still summer and Mark’s skin is too weak for this.

And maybe Donghyuck catches the way Mark is hugging himself a little tighter and so he throws his own jacket at Mark.  
“Take it. Who gets cold on summer nights anyway?”

Mark’s obviously cold, Hyuck’s jacket smells so much like him and there’s no bite between Donghyuck’s words.

He puts the jacket on and maybe even before that he’s already red, red and warm.

Donghyuck goes outside without any words and Mark follows from behind him. It’s warmer outside, Mark realizes that, but he doesn’t want to take Hyuck’s jacket off. The grass is tickling his skin and the summer wind is blowing his face. It’s different here. Just like Hyuck.

There’s still no words between them and Mark wonders if this is Hyuck telling Mark to find him between the silence.  
Mark starts to look around.

There’s no road around them and the grass is tall so that probably means that this is a place where people don’t visit often. Mark wonders. The lake is too dark. Telling Mark secrets that he’s not ready to hear. Mark wonders again. He looks around to find the trees whispering something to him, yet he still could not hear it. Ans so Mark wonders again.

“You’re thinking too loud” The younger boy smiles beside him. He looks younger here. Prettier under the moonlight. More _free_. Mark’s starting to look closely this time. Maybe the darkness is hiding his usual embarrassment or maybe the moon above him is giving him more courage than what he usually got but now he’s openly staring at Donghyuck, his face, his skin, his neck, everything, without a tiny bit of embarrassment or fear that Donghyuck will feel weird. Mark likes it. He likes himself like this.

Donghyuck’s too pretty. Mark wants to tell him that.

The moon gives him more courage.

“You’re really really pretty here, under the night sky.”  
Mark says without a slight embarrassment. He really likes himself like this.

Donghyuck blushes and Mark could catch it. Mark wants to step closer and _kiss_ him, because now it feels right. Now, it feels like Donghyuck would let him. He doesn’t do anything though. His courage runs out.

“What the hell are you saying, idiot.” Hyuck chuckles, his voice deep and beautiful.

Mark curses himself again for not doing anything.

He could hear Donghyuck takes a deep breath. So Mark waits.  
“So, this is it. My safe place. Scary isn’t it? Odd? Really doesn’t look like a place where people finds safe does it?”  
Donghyuck smiles from his words, saying it like he’s ready for all the weird looks that he’ll get for taking someone here, and there’s a tiny hint of fear between his words. Mark wants to tell him that he doesn’t feel like that at all.

So he does.

“I really don’t think so. People have their own safe haven. Mine’s ordinary like my room and sometimes there’s places like this, for other people, like you. It’s different but it’s really nice. Calming. And I’m not scared, Hyuck. Even one bit. This place seems like it could keep secrets, I actually like it.”  
Mark’s just blabbering stuff right now but it’s the truth. The place is not even a tiny bit scary, just dark. And after the monsters, he’s not sure to even call this place scary _or_ dark, because his head is way more scarier and way more darker.

Donghyuck stay still. He doesn’t reply immediately but he’s moving closer to Mark. Eyes not looking directly at Mark but to the tall grass around him. Mark holds his breath again, hoping the trees could keep his secrets this time.

“You’re weird, Mark.” Donghyuck says, suddenly so _close_. Suddenly holding the older’s hands. And Mark’s heart suddenly jumps out from his body. There’s so much secrets to keep.

“I know.” Mark tries to reply normally, but his voice cracks. Donghyuck’s hand is soft, too soft. And how could someone’s hands be so _warm_?

“I like it.”

Mark’s not sure if he’s hiding the secrets after all. Maybe it’s already out in the dark.

“I like it. I really really like you. You’re different. You never find me weird when i clearly am. You never tried to touch me first even though i know you clearly want to. You never speak before thinking. Always so careful, always too afraid that you’ll hurt me. You never asked me things, even when i know you’re curious. And even now, when i brought you here, you never asked _why_ i did, _why_ this place, why here?.. i like you a lot for that. And you always give yourself less credit than you deserve.”

Donghyuck’s voice is soft, so _honest_. Mark wants to die. He’s not sure if he’s breathing.

And when Donghyuck is moving a little bit more closer to him, faces just inches away, and then kisses his cheek, Mark dies.

In every way there is. He dies. There’s no more secrets to keep now. The trees could not keep this. Mark could not keep this.

He’s dying. Mark’s dying. In every great possible way there is.

-

The monsters are knocking and Mark could keep the door shut for now.  
‘not now, shit, not now. You cannot ruin this for me’

And so for tonight, he kept them outside, locked.  
Just him, hyuck, hyuck, and hyuck inside.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you enjoyed this. I think this is progress for the both of them. Donghyuck speaking his mind, right?
> 
> see you soon i hope xxx

**Author's Note:**

> if u want more pls comment, if not, i would leave it as it is lol enjoy!! 
> 
> there’ll be so much angst tho  
> prepare yaself


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